PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
