He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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