My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
