I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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