Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
