whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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