Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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