Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
