i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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