Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
