he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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