dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
