I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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