so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize