if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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