ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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