i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
