I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
