I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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