I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
