all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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