ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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