You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
