I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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