Just fell off a train. Bad.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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