I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
