No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
