apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
