i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize