Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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