You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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