I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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