I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
