Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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