he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
