yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
