There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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