When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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