why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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