Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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