what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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