I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
