Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
