My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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