Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
me + whiskey = a bad person
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
