finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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