It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
