I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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