We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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