I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
