he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
