quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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