I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
