Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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