I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
