I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
