woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
why do cheetos always look like penises
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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