dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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