Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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