I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
