I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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