my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
